No restart button.

You see, I'm running backwards, while trying putting one foot in front of the other.
Im remembering you.. all of you, while in training to repress.
Im trying to push start and begin fresh, though I can stop tracing my wounds, they arent yet healed.
"we miss the old Danielle"
I can never be that girl again. Ive gone to far, come to far in the wrong direction. Went to a place I could never, will never, come back from. I left a piece of me there. Yes. I am different. I am sorry. I cannot go back and forward at the same time. She is lost. So grieve her. I morn her daily, but I am learning to accept the little that i did gain in tornado I created, and can only hope and continue to try and restore the destruction and rebuild the lives Ive ruined, just one piece at a time. I am only human.
You see, I am one of two, therefore you will never really understand, my words will conflict with the morals you thought i had and i will deviate from the plans and promises you thought were solid.
I am happier than Ive ever been and i cant figure out the reason. Im sure it has nothing to do with you.
I am more depressed and lonely than Ive ever been, and I am sure it has everything in the world to do with you, and the monster you made me into. I had no self control then, and as I sit here with the same lack of control over my actions and thoughts, I betray myself. And as I hold my pounding head in my cold and scarred hands tears fall on to my key board, I miss her.
Danielle, when will I see you again, When will I feel like you again. Vanished. No grave to to visit. No longer of this earth. Just a ghost inside me, haunting my soul and mind. I have pictures of her and words she once wrote, they remind me you were real once, though you are not anymore.