sex is my drug

I crave your body on mine

crave you inside 

so push me against the wall

push my hair aside

lift up my skirt

the next is the best part

pull down my panties

pull my thighs apart

kiss on my neck,

pull on my hips,

show me what you can do

using just your lips

let me know your gonna take me,

Show me you need it almost as much as i do,

need it all and need it all at once.

tell me lies, i want none of it true

bend me over the dresser,

bend me over the bed.

bend me over anything

and fuck me till im dead

pull my hair,

hold my wrists tight,

make sure i don't struggle

while you handle me all night

push in to me hard

bc i need it and you can.

while you bite and suck my body

and show me your a man

touch me with your hungry hands.

Touch me everywhere.

do whatever you want to me

fuck me till I tear

as long as you kiss me

and force on your passion

till im screaming your name

till im moaning and gasping

Feeding my destruction,

helping me forget

im alive for a while

while your hands make me wet

Take my control.

I wont give it away willingly.

Take my power away

Fuck me like you own me.

Fuck me like Im yours.

Fuck me with no regrets

Im all yours

For the next 15 minutes.

Until I find someone else.

Someone better. Some one stronger.

Some one who can dominate me

Someone who can force my surrender.

dont look in my eyes

Just look the other way

while you grind on my body

my body on display

Make me feel wanted

make me feel used

make me feel something

make my thighs bruised.

Ill love you till i cum

Ill love you long enough

until you find out what i just did

until you call my bluff.

I used your lust

used you to use me

how does it feel

to be my nobody.

Today..

These shaking hands, can get nothing done

and id love to go home, but i know i dont got one

my racing heart, no longer beats for you

I dont want to win, no i just want to get through

My head pounds and my heart breaks

and i cry rivers that turn in to lakes

I fall in a hole that has no end

and i sit on my bed n try not to spin

I sit at my desk and I try not to cry

my destruction's complete, Im just waiting to die

I dont want any part of this, no part at all

I cant find the words so i ignore your call

I cant find the humor no i dont thing its funny

I cant break a smile, I dont think I love me

I think of your face megan, and oh there it is

the courage i needed to get up and live.

As long as your out there, i think i might belong

yeah, as long as we have each other, we're never really alone.

Yesterday.

I put the ring on you gave me, I imagined it was from someone else. Then I dreamt it was from someone else, and when I woke up I felt comforted.
 I danced in the kitchen for a while. I danced in the kitchen by myself. I let my socks slip on the tile as I waltzed alone. I pretended to twirl around a man with your name, but the man wasn't you.
 I re read a love letter. A love letter full of lies. I pretended they were real words, real words that were meant for me, from a man that wasn't you.
 I ran my fingers on the wall. I imagined my fingers were on a beautiful girls smooth face. I pretended that beautiful girls face was my own.
 I watched a young woman smile. I watched her laugh with a boy. I watched and tilted my head with curiosity at what that must feel like. How it must feel to be real in someones eyes.  How it would feel to be real in my own. She seemed to posses, a lightness. I felt as though she might float into the sky like a balloon while she laughed. My squinted eyes darted back and forth, concentrated, while analyzing her movements I became aware of how heavy my heart was. How it weighed me to the earth. I told myself I had to be this heavy. Who else would hold all the balloons.
 I stared up at the sky. I imagined the sky was filled with colorful balloons and that I was the paper weight for the world. I watched each balloon disappear.
 I held my breath. I imagined my lungs filling up with the air you breath. I was full.
  I had sex with a nameless man. I pretended it was your hand that reached to fist my hair.. and I escaped when he touched me. I disappeared when he touched me, I evaporated in his arms and I woke up alone. I woke up with this ring on my finger. I woke up with a dream in my mind and shadow in my soul.

 I think Ill keep your ring on a little longer.

You mother fucker.

You have crept into my mind today, in the same way you crept into my life. I believe my subconscious still seeks a truth that will continue undiscovered. You still unsettle my mind. Still after all this time. After all this time your face still rips the seams Ive spent stitching.
You love her more than you ever liked me.
And most of the time I am fine.
And most of the time I've made peace.
But some of the time... Some of the time it still hurts.
And when it does I long for your touch, I long to meet your beautiful brown eyes once more, to hear you laugh once more, to see that smile. To see you smile at me. To believe that smile was meant for me, because I now know it never was.
And some of the time venom fills my veins and I boil with anger over flowing with hate for the way I let you treat me.
For the way you made me love you.
For the way you left me.
For the way you love her.
Yes, it was all a lie. Yes, I just filled your temporary gap,
I was there waiting on you,
while you waited for her.
I fell in love with a fiction novel. I fell in love with a tragic romance. I was to weak to over come your seduction, to over come my new passion. I was to weak to ignore your call.
You see... you mad me feel like..
Well..you made me feel like...

Sigh. You mother fucker.